Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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