I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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