Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
