i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
