he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
