Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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