It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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