So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
