She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
