now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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