Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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