Porn is love you can see.
I could make wine with my vomit
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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