Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
