I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
