Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
why is half of my head shaved?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
