It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
