Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize