hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
