I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
