This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were trust falling into bushes
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