whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
