We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
