would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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