I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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