508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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