i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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