Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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