I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
