it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
