What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
