There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
