last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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