Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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