he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
