we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
