I'm jealous of your bromance
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
