Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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