someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
