Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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