She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
two words...techno handjob
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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