Already got asked if we're dating
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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