I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
