My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
