I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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