I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
