i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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