i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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