It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
