she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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