So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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