some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
