lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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