She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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