saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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