i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
