i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize