And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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