im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
