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Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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